My Unexisting Heart
by Mika Kitsune
Summary: I met Inuyasha some time ago but I was too late. He was already in love. I've fallen head over heels. I'm not supposed to feel like this. My heart... It's not supposed to exist... Why does it hurt? Oneshot OC POV


Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha. Wish I did though. -dream-

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"Sayanora," I whisper to your sleeping form. 

Tears are starting to blur my vision. I quickly wipe them away with my sleeve. I don't have time for them right now. I have to leave before you awaken. If you did and told me to stay I would have to.

Your voice, I think it might be enchanted.

Anything you ask of my I must carry through as if by some sort of witchery. I can't stay. It hurts so much to abandon you but no matter how much it hurts to leave it hurts so much more to remain here. To be here and watch you love her... Kagome… With her perfect smile and her perfect hair and her perfect… everything… It's just too much for me to bear.

I'm being selfish I know, wanting you all to myself. It's almost sickening. I feel so weak too. I'm a fighter! It's not supposed to be this way! That's your fault though. You make me feel helpless and vulnerable…

Che, there I go blaming other people for my own flaws... but it is true you know. You make me weak and I can't stand it, but... I still wish I could stay.

I shake my head. Stupid emotions. I don't have time for you right now.

Still as I reach for the door something tugs at my heart. Something stops me from leaving this place... from leaving you.

My body begins to tremble as if it's fighting with an unseen and dangerous opponent for control of itself. I take a shaky step forward. Pain runs like lightening though my body and I stifle a cry of agony.

Suddenly a rustling of cloth breaks through my inner turmoil and I swerve around to face you. You shift positions so that your pale face, once shadowed by your ghostly white bangs, is revealed to me. Your nose crinkles as you sniff the air. Your wonderfully golden eyes open slightly and you murmur my name in the form of a question.

"What… What are you doing?" you ask your voice still sluggish from sleep.

"Nothing, Inuyasha. Just… Just going for a walk," I quickly name off an excuse, feeling a pang of guilt in my chest.

"Whatever," you mumble before scanning the room slightly to make sure that everything was in order, silently checking on the people that you care about the most.

"If you're not back tomorrow morning we're leaving without you."

After a moment of this you tighten you hold on Tetsusaiga and fall asleep, making me smile slightly.

"Yes, Inuyasha," I whisper. I open my mouth and then snap it shut.

Those words. Those three dreaded words… They almost left my mouth…

Tears swell in my eyes and flood over my face.

No! It wasn't supposed to happen this way! My head screams as I turn and tear out of the cabin into the black night. I have to get away. These feelings are so strong. They tie me down like chains and force me to stay here.

Never! Nothing, especially my emotions, will ever take control of me! I've let you do it for far too long and what do I have to show for it? A broken heart that should never have existed in the first place! You made one within my body. You molded it with your words then set it beating with your soft touch and in doing so you've forced me to commit the greatest of sins.

You made me betray myself.

Never again.

Today I deny that ever such a thing as a heart ever existed in my body. Yet something insists that I leave it alone and go back to you.

No! I hate you! ... But I care about you as well... But that's impossible!

My head is pounding with my inner struggle. It makes my run slow to a walk and then to a complete stop.

I drop to my knees, scraping them on a few sharp rocks. My hands are the only things keeping me from hitting the ground. Tears stream down my face as I sob bitterly. I don't think I've ever hurt so badly before.

"Inuyasha! Inuyasha, I love you! I love you… I… love… you…" I choke out the dreaded words. I feel my heart wretch. I feel it tear and crumble and I feel the pain surround me.

Still, the tears slowly ease the pain and after a moment I notice a cold wetness on my fingers. I open my tightly shut eyes to find that my hands are resting in a small brook. I cup some water in my hands and splash my face. The searing cold washes down my face and neck.

My body relaxes and for the first time since I met you my mind ceases its battle. I close my eyes for a moment enjoying the since of peace inside.

I sigh and get to my feet. Every moment I can feel the heart you created disintegrate and die. My mind pushes the shattered bits out of my body.

There, that's much better.

I can still feel a small stubborn piece beat inside of me. My mind tells me that it too will go in time. The piece seems to disagree. My mind was always right before.

Well... at least it was... before you created my heart...

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R and R loves! 


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